Kufu-Kufu...

What I'm about to share is very personal but I just have to let it off my chest.

I've known a guy since I was fifteen. He was not much of a GUY then. Just a boy that I chat with and talked over the phone. I wasn't sure whether it's puppy (or monkey?) love, but I felt that we clicked. I remembered the feeling being so real that I didn't even bother to push it. I let it flow naturally. I shall refer to him as 'Eid' for the rest of the entry.

The friendship flourished to a relationship which still goes on strong 8 yrs later.

Now, 8 yrs is a very long time. We've been through ups and downs and we've known each other so well that we can finish each other's sentences. Not that I'm bragging about it because it is not somehing to be proud of if you consider the tears & hardship that tags along with it. There's a price to pay. But, it has definitely made us stronger.

I don't intend to write about the journey of my relationship but rather of it's destination.

Being young, we started off very discretely and secretly, not wanting our parents to find out about it, especially mine. Kena pelangkung kang! Afterall, we were still schooling then.

What worries me is that, a span of college, university and working years later, we have still not face up to my parents and 'officially' declare our relationship. Some of you might say, "hey, what's the big deal??". Yeah well, IT IS A BIG DEAL for me.

My problem is regarding 'kekufuan'.

I'm a degree-holder and pursuing my postgrad studies. He's working in the technical line and is pursuing his NITEC certification. Not even a Higher Nitec. So that gives you all the idea of our education gap.

Personally, I don't give a damn. (pardon my language.)

There are reasons for me to stay fillial with Eid after all these years. We survived through 4 years of long distance relationship as I was overseas to further my studies most of those period of time. We survived through my irregular hours of working as an executive in the mosque. We survived through my moment of folly of getting involved with an older man. (He actually forgave me. I can't even forgive myself...)

So, is kekufuan still an issue here?

Yes, seems that it is. At least to my father.

It is a very big blow for me when my father once told me that a relationship that lacks 'kekufuan' may result in marriage breakup due to differences between husband & wife. I want to say to him then: "But Eid will be different! I'm sure of it." but refrain from doing so. The fact is that, I'm not exactly sure of that.

Eid is supposed to meet my parents this Sunday. We discussed about this thoroughly and decided we have to give it a shot. Whatever the reaction will be like from my father, we have to face it. We can't always be running away.

Pray for us.

~to cross the line might be the way across~