- I should be further along in life than I am now
- I don't want to grow up
- I feel overwhelmed by the number of options available
- I never got a road map to life
- I frequently get stressed out
- I feel pressured to succeed
- I second-guess my career & life decisions, especially when I compare myself to friends
- I feel depressed by the lack of options
- I am still trying to figure out who I am
- Some days I quietly wonder, "Is this all there is?"
- I feel a significant amount of instability in my life
- I feel like no one really understand
There are these big dreams of yours and it is such a rude awakening that even a degree certification doesn't buy you a direct-entry ticket to adulthood. It isn't a guidebook titled: "How to Move On From Here". It is not even a manual on how to open the door to adulthood. There are so many things to achieve and it's suffocating. I always feel that everything needs to be cramped in my 20s - career path, financial stability, life plan & even leisure.
As much as I love what I'm doing now, sometimes I wonder whether I should go back to full-time work ;) With all the financial obligations; and with my unstable income, it is hard to maintain a decent budget without finding myself being penniless at times. hehe.
I find myself stressing all the time. I keep on thinking about what's in store next for me in life. I am a very here-and-now person, yet these thoughts have been bugging me and I have to literally drag myself out of it to avoid feeling depressed.
Don't get me wrong. I still enjoy the littlest things in life. I still adore my family and my love. We share great moments together. But I think each of us are responsible for our own happiness. That's why I've been thinking, "what is it that will make me HAPPY in life"? Happiness is very subjective and we have to make sure we decide on our own definition of it before it is defined by someone else. Worst still, if someone else dictates you and determines your happiness.
And also, recently, I realized a horrifying truth. I have no CLOSE girlfriends. hehe. Y'know, the buddy-buddy girlfriend type to whom you shared all your secrets, aspirations, fear of the uncertainties or even just plain gossiping. Pathetic, yea? But that's just how it is.
Tiba-tiba masing-masing jadi sibuk dengan komitmen sendiri. I don't deny that there are close friends from school days whom we still keep in touch with but it is only on occasional basis. Of course, we keep up-to-date with each other's major life transitions (wedding, engagement, employment, pregnancy etc.) but none of which we contact daily. It is just not possible to do that unlike during school/college/Uni days. I really treasure those moments and I miss it so much.
Nevertheless, I think it is a part of life that we have to go through. At least, if I do meet up with my girlfriends on rare gatherings/occasions, I always look forward to it as this is a chance to catch up with them on lost days/months or even years.
Oh yah, regarding the quarterlife crisis, I assure you that all of us are facing the same thing and I am trying to convince all of you -including myself!- that this is just a phase and it will end (not so soon though, this is the Reality World not the Reality TV! hehe)
Tag me (by that I meant in the 'comments' section hehe masih malas nak letak tagboard) if any of you felt the same. It will very assuring and encouraging and I hope the sharing can be beneficial for all ;)
(below) This is the book that inspires me to write this entry. It really makes me feel understood ;)
Title : Twenty-Something : Surviving & Thriving In The Real World
Author : Margaret Feinberg
~to cross the line might be the way across~
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