Have you ever been so deeply in love that you become afraid of it? Or rather, even more afraid of yourself? And then you'll start asking, am I just being paranoid?
Being in a long-term relationship makes me think about lots of things. Not that I have second thoughts about him though..hehe (dearie, don't freak out ok~)
I'm being blunt here, but sometimes I think active hormones heighten the anxiety. Seeing people getting married, and you can't wait to have a family yourself. I'll have this inexplicable tight knot in my stomach, overpowered by a sense of jealousy. alah emak kawinkan aku~ *grin*
Whenever we are not together, I'll feel this longing to be with him. I've complained to him that we've not been doing anything except eating out when we do meet (sebab itu makin sihat...hehe) - given the clash of daily schedules - but I'm just happy to see him.
But I wonder, apart from missing him from time to time, if I'm becoming clingy and dependent.
I start to feel annoyed whenever he can't meet me, although I force myself to put an "I'm ok with it" facade. I tried not to be childish but I can't lie to myself.
I don't think this is healthy. I feel I have some attachment issues. (will read up on those..)
I keep having this nagging ugly thoughts about broken relationships and that no relationships are made to last forever. 'Forever' relationships only exist in fairy tales. I even cringe and turn skeptical at Hindustani "happy-ending" movies. Now where have all those come from??
I'm very weak in handling heartbreaks; not necessarily resulting from bad relationships. I will cry a lot and refuse to even try to keep it out of my mind. I somehow seek solace in weeping and immerse my thoughts in the distressing matter. Funny, yea? How will I take it if I end up with a broken relationship??
I need to do something about this. I'm starting to train myself to be more calm and filter my negative thoughts. I have to have faith in Allah and a good friend once reminded me not to sangka buruk in Him.
And I desperately seek His help.....
p/s: We went out just now...doing "what else is new?" @ Box Bistro, Courts Tampines. hehe:) But it was truly an enjoyable moment.
~to cross the line might be the way across~
1 comment:
slmz to u sis! i hope ..that chapter of breaking relationship will nt happen to u n him...i really pray for u n his happiness forever..cause i've gone thru it n lyk hell..even 6 yrs later u will never can forgive urself n start a new when cum to love life...this is base on my own trial...hehe tp tulah mak dah kata belajar dulu..hehe dan mentel sgt gi try siapa suruh? akibatnya rasa sendiri..heheh bt aneway..im so happy for both of u..mmmg aidil mmg manjakan..tu pasal u feel dat u mcm dependant..bt its nt actually..all u have to do for a balncing relationship..relax..n selalu berdoa...i'Allah..akan berkekalan hingga ke akhirnya..hari2 jumpa pun..takut lain jd nya kan..heheh bak pepatah org tua...jauh bau wangi dekat bau busuk..:P well biasalah hidup ni kan mcm roda ada turun naiknya..but when u really true with him..n there's a chemistry btw both of u..n relationship ni krn Allah..im sure everything will be fine..lainlah klu bertepuk sebelah tgn..do trust him..n i noe he gt his own gd reasons..n i noe u noe him best! bukan nak kepoh campur tangan..bt ni ikhlas dari lubuk hati...dat he's the best for u n ur the best for him...k sis! slmz to u!...
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